From Maiden To Mother...Freedom
Jan 02, 2024
Day 2
Mars Day, 2 January, 2023
Freedom.
I began to taste freedom in my 30’s
True freedom.
Not the typical freedom we are taught to seek (moving out to get your own place, going to college, etc.).
Not the freedom that feeds our ego (“finally…no one can tell me what to do!”).
Freedom from the system.
Freedom from conditioning.
Freedom from the stories my mind had created.
Freedom from cycles & patterns.
Freedom from my own suffering.
My 30’s began with a deep attachment to the current societal structures & the stories of safety & security that they come with.
I had the job, the investments, the health insurance, the routines.
I had the illusions that I was building a safe & secure life.
I thought if I just played by the rules, everything would be just fine. I would create the life my parents could never give me…stability, safety, security, peace.
I could create a home.
These attachments to the system & this story proved to be a source of suffering.
It is these attachments that I really needed freedom of.
I believed that it was my experiences, my unfulfilling career & daily routines that were causing my suffering. And if I could just change them…find the right job, the right home, the right partner…well then I would feel alright. I would feel whole.
I could stop the suffering.
I spent the first half of this decade changing the external circumstances…
New career(s). New home. New friends. New partner(s).
Same me.
I was looking to fix all the things I thought were broken.
But with each new chapter I wrote, the suffering seemed to follow. Ultimately leading to the same story being told, yet again.
And with each external change I made, I would increase my suffering because I would have to detach from it & reattach to the new.
As I walk toward 40, I realize it has nothing to do with the external circumstances.
It has EVERYTHING to do with the story I’m writing about it.
It has everything to do with my attachment to that story.
And I was out sourcing the power of the narrative. When really all along what I wanted to see was that I was the creator of the story. I am the main character.
And I was the only one with the ability to rewrite it.
The last 4 years of my 30’s have been spent creating true freedom. Detaching myself from the things & their stories.
And what I have found to be true is that the less I have, the more connected & fulfilled I am.
Instead of investing my energy into building empty stories, I freed myself of things & the stories attached to them.
Allowing my heart to do the leading.
Allowing myself to really start living.
Allowing myself to be of deep service.
Allowing myself to move toward my dharma.
Allowing myself to finally step into the main character role.
Allowing myself to begin to tap into & express the potential living within the softest & most powerful parts of my body.
What my 30’s have taught me is that freedom has nothing to do with the external story, but the lightness of energy that I embody.
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