Golden Alchemy

This morning’s routine was a little different. 

Because I am different.

This morning I approached the sunrise over the bay with intention.

This morning I rode a bike down to the bay with my yoga mat. I wanted to spend time with Father Sun as he rose. I welcomed him back with sun salutations to thank him for the power he had given me yesterday.

Yesterday I unintentionally faced one of my childhood ‘monsters.’ It was something I never thought I would do or really even thought I needed to. And I still didn’t feel like I did. Honestly, it was all very unplanned. I just went with my ‘gut.’

I planned to take a drive down memory lane. I had a couple places I hadn’t seen in decades. 

One of them was the cult I spent time in as a child. I planned to just drive by. See it with healed, adult eyes & give my brain evidence that there was nothing to fear. That my body & mind had stored it as a big, scary monster to protect me...to help me survive. 

And I did! But now I wanted to prove that I am safe, it is just a house, there is nothing to fear. 

So I drove by. And it is just a house...a run down house with a whole lot of christmas decorations & some big signs with bible verses. 

Then I saw there were a couple people on the side of the house working in the yard. One man waved...it was him. There he was. The ‘leader.’

I circled the block for a minute. I needed to feel into my body. How am I doing? What do I need?

I’m ok. I’m actually better than ok...I’m peaceful.

I felt a calm, peaceful, sure confidence that was so refreshing. My nervous system had no response.

Then I checked in deeper...with my gut/intuition. And I knew I needed to go talk with him.

What do I say? 

Thank him.

My spirit contracted with his to experience life this way so that I could become this woman. 

So I thanked him for his part in helping me become ME.

I did it without hesitation. Without fear. Without anxiety. Without a nervous system response.

I calmly & confidently drove back, parked, got out & spoke with him. 

I thanked him for the influence he had on my life, on my family. It helped me become the strong, incredible, empowered woman I am. 

So this morning, I intentionally rode a bike to the bay with my yoga mat to do sun salutations as the sun rose. 

To fully ground into this woman I am.

To fully embody the strength of this healing journey. 

To thank myself for doing the work, for sitting in the shadows, for surrendering, releasing, healing & enjoying.

To thank Father Sun for his strong rays that filled my cells with light.

To fully embody the unconditional love I have for myself so that I can teach others.